Mansplaining is when someone (usually a man) explains things, sometimes condescendingly, to someone else (usually a woman) who is a peer or could easily be assumed to have a similar or greater level of knowledge.

This Bustle article provides some examples:

Have you ever been deep in conversation with your friends at a coffee shop, discussing neuroscience, Orange Is the New Black , or whatever floats your particular boat, only to have a man spontaneously appear from the ether in order to re-explain the subject to you all in excruciating detail? Are you forced to maintain a fixed smile during family dinners as your brother-in-law details basic principles of physics for your benefit, even though the subject came up in the first place because you were discussing your high MCAT score? Have you had male friends give you advice on how to be a better feminist after taking an introductory gender studies course?

The comic below offers an additional lens on what mansplaining is.

What’s so bad about mansplaining anyway?

Mansplaining is just sharing knowledge and trying to make a human connection, right? I mean how could that even be a bad thing?

  • It’s demeaning. For others around you to assume that you don’t have the expertise or lived experiences and that you need someone else’s help in order to carry a conversation on a subject you already have experience in is demeaning. Even moreso if the person explaining things clearly has less of a grasp on the subject matter.
  • It’s presumptive. It’s as if someone’s qualifications weren’t even considered in the conversation, and worse, based on something else about them – their looks, their perceived gender or background – an assumption was made that they must not have relevant experience. It shows you either didn’t take the time to understand their level of knowledge on the subject first or you don’t care; neither is a great look.
  • It wastes and disrespects their time. If you are knowledgeable on a subject, it is incredibly grating to have someone re-explain introductory or basic knowledge on the topic. There are so many better uses of one’s time.
  • It’s exhausting. This happens all the time to women, even subject experts in their respective fields. As someone has the same basics explained to them over and over again all day, it can really wear them down.

Why Does mansplaining Happen?

Long-standing (and harmful) societal norms often pressure men to have all of the answers – and to be confident in how they express those answers. We are inundated with media that tell us this is the way to be perceived as knowledgeable, or even to be perceived as attractive. We are not encouraged to seek consensus, and are often imbued with the idea that our voice is the most important voice in the room.

So, when men have an opinion to offer, we often:

  • Mistake our confidence in our opinion with fact / experience
  • Feel that the world needs to hear our opinion
  • Feel that others may not have had the same insight we’ve had
  • Feel that we would benefit from sharing our opinion

Why is someone reacting so strongly to my mansplaining?

But mansplaining is harmless, right? Why would someone react so strongly with it?

See the “exhaustion” point above. Where you might think your explanation is harmless, oftentimes someone is receiving a deluge of comments along those lines on whatever point they made or conversation they’re having. They’re wading through this all day long.

Everyone has a breaking point, and they likely hit it. It’s not their job to cater to your desire to jump into a conversation, even if you thought you were being helpful.

Why not interrupt someone / cut them off / tell them you don’t care?

This can actually become a safety issue or make things much worse for women. Rejecting a man in conversation often leads to an unwanted escalation – the man may respond in an increasingly rude way or become angry. And there are numerous reports and experiences where responding this way has actually led to physical harm or the threat of physical harm for the woman in the conversation.

If someone doesn’t respect one’s time or space, it’s also quite possible they will not respect someone’s boundaries or safety.

So if you feel that someone isn’t fully engaged with you in conversation, and you’ve been explaining something or going on for a bit, consider that they may just be tolerating you because of an instinct that says they might have to. This represents an opportunity to make the conversation and everyone’s day better by curbing this behavior in the moment.

How do I know if I’m mansplaining?

Tips to avoid mansplaining

  • Ask questions first that allow someone to communicate familiarity with a subject. “Do you have a background in [subject]?” “Are you familiar with [subject/author]?” “Did you see this article?”
  • If you catch yourself explaining, check in. “Sorry, I just realized I didn’t ask – is this already familiar territory for you?”
  • If you feel like you’re being really impressive, check in. You’re likely enjoying the sound of your own voice, which is human, but not always shared by your conversation partners.
  • Make explaining a two-way street. “In your opinion, am I missing anything here?” “What are your thoughts on the subject?”
  • When in doubt, if you feel the need to explain, ask someone if they want it explained. “Is it OK if I riff on this subject for a little bit? It’s really interesting to me.” “Would a quick explainer of [subject] be helpful?” “Is this something you’re interested in hearing a little more about?”

Have something to add?

Edit to suggest? Example to share? More information / links? Let us know!